Dating In Marriage

Dating In Marriage is for a wise purpose     

First Day of Fall Semester 2015
We have completed one full year in Rexburg, Idaho attending BYUI

 Took time together to just sit outside on a warm fall day to talk and plan our day and week together

 We only had 15 minutes between class so we made time to spend together trying out new things, Spud Nation the business in the Smith bldg on campus that sells loaded fries! Yum!

 Studying together while visiting my parents for conference who have no WiFi, so we went to McDonald's from 10 to midnight:)

 Met in the Parking Lot and walked to the Madison Parade together

Emotional Baggage

WE watched a funny video were a couple, at a counter, were getting old luggage with various negative traits pinned to them to help illustrate the kind of "bags" or characteristics & amount of  extras that are brought into a second marriage. 

The Baggage giver said one of the Best statements I've heard for Relationships...it is,

"We all have issues, THE KEY Is To face up to them & To Make Positive Changes..."

A list of Baggage was given to each partner:

Guilt                               Resentment

Hostility             Perfectionism

Co-Dependency                  Autocratic

                                        permissiveness                     Fear of being left again  

Being committed to Handle the Issues is first and for most to get rid of emotional baggage.

 Each party needs Knowledge and skills to parent effectively and strengthen families.          

Chastity: What Are the Limits?

Styles of Parenting

Which Type Of  Parent are You? 

Autocratic or Authoritarian = Controlling, No room for choice or openness. Love and acceptance- is due to performance.
Permissive = Little effort, NO guidance, neglect child's needs

Authoritative = Firm & Friendly - Balance of give & Take, Teach and Demonstrate Respect
                         Active Parenting is what Michael Popken calls it. He teaches of the Ballast : That which gives stability to character:

-Responsibility -

-Cooperation-

-Respect-

-Courage-

-Self-Esteem-

Treated children the way you want to be treated is a great standard. Demanding Respect helps to become not respected. The focus is on where we want to be not so much on tantrum or the issue. 

Let Natural Consequences guide the way. Set firm ground rules, & no hammer when they aren't quite measuring up. Establish Family Rules, no more then 7 and stick to it in a firm but friendly way. 

   FATHERHOOD - What makes a great Father? Good example, Time, Commitment, Love, Acceptance. Being Actively engaged.  All of it and more.

  The MOST effective Model throughout time was and is Husbands the wives do business together. Working together with their children as they garden, sustain the farm. as they worked together each day. In families is were individuals learned their own values. they learn personal worth.  Over the History of Families Father, Mother, and Children have worked and lived together, With the onset of WWII - woman entered the work place & stay. Industrial Revolution is were it stated, then the war and the family dynamic started to change completely. Oh how we need our Dads. How much mothers need back up, togetherness, and a team effort and that male figure. Children are better adjusted and more apt to have greater self confidence if Dad has been in the home and raised his girls with expressing love and adequate affection.

Preparing for Marriage 

The Family a Proclamation to the World, Fathers are admonished to Preside, Provide and Protect in their families. We learned a great parallel to this, that should be happening in dating.  Elder Dallin H.Oaks spoke on Dating he said, it should be Planned, Paid For, and Pared off (As in the guy is actually asking the girl and not just hanging out in a group.) What wise council. He's speaking to Young Adults not 16 year old. Marriage eligible should be dating not just "hanging out!" 

So Here are some guidelines for appropriateness: 

John Van Epp gives a relationship attachment model that explains how going about getting to know somebody is really quiet backwards then many today have it.

He puts these gauges together for appropriately getting to know each other knowing comes why before touching. Do we see why so many relationships don't last? Many see that touching becomes the minute you meet. Getting to know then trust, then relying on then committing then touch with clear boundaries.  

      

Family Crisis & Stressors

Trials in life are not like us trying to ride a skateboard and someone keeps throwing rocks at us. We aren't set-up to fail here. We simply need to understand how we define a problem. Do we know how to use resources available very well? President Uchtdorf shared the space story about the bones and muscles of the astronauts getting weak due to the lack of stress from gravity placed upon them. As we go through life as a adolescent into adulthood our brains matures. I explained this to my teenage daughter to try to help her realize the need for help from mom was okay. She replied she didn't think they should let teenagers drive!  

              The Call and the Challenge 

• We truly need to give others the benefit of the doubt
• Assume the Best w/i an experience
• Be Patient, Kind & Gentle 
• Be Curious -  Not Furious! 
• Get Rid of Sarcasm - It is not a congruent message

We are sending words in one directions  ---> And the meaning is the other direction <---